I never thought I fit the profile of someone who would attempt to take their own life. I was a relatively well-standing professor. I had three kids. I had a wife. My future was already mapped out. But one day, I received some really devastating news and just didn’t know how to deal with it.
I never talked about my concerns. I never talked about my resilience. I always considered myself to be a brave man who could look out for others, but I never thought about my own mental health. I got on with life assuming that you just have to keep going.
I went into a deep spiral of depression over time, wrote a suicide note and tried to take my own life twice.
Even though I have three kids which should have stopped me from attempting suicide, and I look back now thinking ‘what the hell would I have done to my kids’, nothing mattered at all.
This all happened to me around November, two years ago, which is why Movember is such a big deal to me.
When I first did Movember and grew a Mo for the first time, people would come up to me and ask if this was a new fashion statement. It was so out of place with my position at the university. But it was more than just a comedic conversation starter.
The Mo gave me the opportunity to start conversations about mental health with people you would never usually talk to. My hope was that they would hopefully think about their own mental health or the mental health of their loved ones and make a change if their world wasn’t feeling balanced.
It also gave me the opportunity to really make a difference to the industry, raising money which would go towards services to make sure that other men didn’t end up in the same position I had found myself.
After my suicide attempt, I’ve tried to start doing something for me. I still have bad memories of when I tried to take my own life, but this year – in addition to growing a Mo – I decided to create a much more positive reminder of my involvement with Movember. Because it isn’t just about my suicide attempt, it’s about an opportunity to promote mental health and wellbeing for men.
This came in the form of a tattoo. So this year I got a tattoo that will stay with me every month of the year. There is no quick fix for the mental health problems I was having, and they will be something that I work on for the rest of my life, but this tattoo is a great reminder to always check in with myself, my family and my friends. And a reminder to look after myself.
29 November 2016
I never thought I fit the profile of someone who would attempt to take their own life. This all happened to me around November, two years ago, which is why Movember is such a big deal to me.
Paul: A Lasting Reminder To Look After Myself
2 MIN READ